Love is Not Selfish

Day 3

Love is not selfish

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10

We live in a world that is enamored with “self.” The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking, however, becomes painfully apparent once inside a relationship.

If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can see it in the way young children act, and often in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you cannot point out the many ways your family member or friend is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical.

Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for others? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.

When a person puts his interests, desires, and priorities in front of his others, that’s a sign of selfishness. When a someone else constantly complains about the time and energy they spend meeting the needs of others, that’s a sign of selfishness. But love “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5).

One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. If you do even a good thing to deceitfully manipulate your someone, you are still being selfish. The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.

Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your someone will cause you to say “no” to what you want so you can say “yes” to what they need. That’s putting the happiness of you others above your own. It doesn’t mean you can never experience happiness, but you don’t negate the happiness of you others so you can enjoy it yourself.

Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of you others, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. This is a benefit that God created and reserves for those who genuinely demonstrate love.

If you find it hard to sacrifice your own desires to benefit your others, then you may have a deeper problem with selfishness than you want to admit.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I truly want what’s best for others?

• Do I want them to feel loved by me?

• Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?

• Do they see me as looking out for myself first?

Whether you like it or not, you have a reputation in the eyes of those around you. But is it a loving reputation? So determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Today’s Dare

Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your family member or friend something that says,
“I was thinking of you today.”

(Taken from The Love Dare)