A Secret

I have a secret.
Not a bad one. But a secret nonetheless.
Ya know how, as Christians, we are supposed to read out Bible every day?
Well I don't.
And I'm sure that a lot of Christians don't read their Bibles everyday either.
That's not the secret.
I'm scared to open my Bible.
I know. That probably sounds really really stupid.
Why would somebody be afraid to open their Bible?
Well, let me tell you about somebody who would be afraid to open theirs.
Me.
A girl who thinks that her dad's death was her fault, who was depressed for years and is still battling with depression, an ex-cutter, a filthy sinner.
That's who I am.
And I hate it.
I hate it so much.
But try as I might there is nothing that I can do to change my past.
But their is something that I can do about my future.

Yesterday night I was praying. I was feeling super overwhelmed and was having a really hard time not feeling depressed. And let me tell you, I was losing.
I leaned over and picked up my Bible. Not really sure if I wanted to chance opening it.
But I did.
And when I opened it, it fell open to Psalm 61. I have to show this!
Psalm 61: 1-5
"Hear my cry, O God.;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher that I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against my foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
For you have heard my vows, O God;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name."

I mean, that quenched my fear right there. I felt like I was reading my thoughts. This was exactly what I was thinking, accept that I was too scared to say it out loud.
God is so good.
I know that He is beginning a work in me that I can't even begin to comprehend.
Just thought I'd let you know that.
Even in our darkest days, God still cares for us. And He knows what we need.
:)